I Want Candy!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
AHA!! a solution to my dilemma!! i haven't worked out for like 2 months, and i may have found a solution. today i had dinner and finished it before 6pm, then at 8, i went running! i used to run in the morning but these days it is too cold. even when i sleep early and wake up early to run, it is too cold to go out. and it gets dark at 5 and i eat when i go home. so.... if i just wait until i digest, i can run in the evening! the risky part is the digesting, but, it's better than nothing. i realized in this period of no exercise that i used to work out like 3-4 times a week. and now, nothing at all. hopefully not for long! though it will get even colder...
Last night I watched THE SWAN. I can't believe some people. Talk about superficiality... I wonder what the dad thought when he saw his daughters after the transformation. He raised these two girls their whole lives and all of the sudden, after 3 months, they look like complete strangers. I would not like it if this happened to my kids. Imagine, they look like carbon copies of what society considers the beautiful model, and no longer retain any of their personal genetic makeup. Raise eyebrows, cheekbones, different hairline, body shape, the works. everything.
Still, reality tv is addicting. i also saw some fear factor and real world/road rules battle of the sexes (even tho they were reruns!), and trading spouses, which is another ridiculous show. trading houses for a week, and both mothers totally hated their new houses and new families and kids. we pay to watch them suffer, they do it for the $50,000, and then find out the OTHER mother is spending their winning money for them. how sad. one person spent $30,000 on a new car while her counterpart spent that amount on college savings plans for the kids. they both had totally different ideas of what was the best way to spend their (which was someone else's) money.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Friday, November 05, 2004
this is what i am trying to STICK in my head:
-there's some verse that says to "work as if you work for God, and not for man" that is directed towards the slaves. i don't have problems with my boss, but just with her, the mean one. i sooooo cannot stand her. all day, every day, the pain and the torture. the rudeness, the hypocrisy, it will never end. no, never end. not until i get oooot. but how? i need an escape!
-the injustice in this world will all be reconciled on that Day. The day when everything is set straight. her laziness and selfishness and all that yuckiness will all come up then. I have to trust that things will be set straight. no one sees all of her evil deeds except for me, but one day, ONE DAY, all will be made right.
-how, in the midst of this, am i to love my enemies? to LOVE her? almost preposterous? to not strangle her is challenge enough. if i try to display even an ounce of love, she slams it down into the ground as "attitude." oy! sooo difficult. or, to treat her like i would want to be treated if i were her, that would mean... what to forgive her every minute for all of her evilness? can i do that? will she even know? double ugh!!
-this is what i must deal with constantly, for at least the last few months. THIS is why i MUST move ON... to a new position. but i need an opening!! ahh~!!
I am on the anti-diet. I am having a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and sliced bananas. And an iced blended from the Coffee Bean. And the last time I went to the gym was probably on Monday. BUT OH WELL!
I think dieting and excercising fanatically is unhealthy. On Saturday I just (semi) watched SUPERSIZE ME and realized there are a lot of people way worse off than me. Actually way WAY worse off than me. And I have known people way worse off than me. Who ended up having to undergo gastric bypass surgery. That is very sad and potentially lethal. All in all, though, we have all been created unequal for a reason. If everyone were the same - what would be interesting? We'd all be clones. There is something to learn from everyone. Mean or nice, fat or skinny, dumb or smart.
Signing off.
I am learning the power of the mind. I'm not new to dieting, but this is the first time I've actually stuck to it because there is actually a goal! I need to fit into the dress! That makes ALL the difference, because there will be an actual, physical goal to reach in the next week, or else it was all for nothing. I figured out how to psych myself out of my daily sugar cravings and other essentials I eat and take for granted daily. I wonder if I'll be really sick of and grossed out by all vegetables after this one-week stint is over. I couldn't eat the lettuce/salad without dressing, though, it was just too much. Even the carrots and celery got to be too strong alone. I feel my clothes getting looser though! Yay! I was supposed to run every day also, but since it rained yesterday, I just did ab crunches and push ups while watching The Apprentice. For some reason, just keeping the GOAL in mind has made my hunger and desire for bad foods disappear. I am stronger knowing exactly what I need to do in order to reach the goal. Amazing how it works like that and my mind can train the rest of my body to follow.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
The Diet has begun!! In order to fit into my eggplant 5/6 Morgan & Co. prom dress by November 13, I have put myself on a self-imposed health food diet. I just got back from Berkeley bowl with spinach, lettuce, carrots, celery, tomatoes, apples, oranges, bananas, avocados, dried apples. Notice there are no carbs. Notice also that I have no "sweets," except for the dried fruit!! No dessert! However will I survive!! Hope this doesn't mean I will resort to ice cream, because that's not good... even if it is free.
I think moms are really strong. I just did my swimming therapy volunteer program for two hours and my arms are sore! And, my big heavy bag of groceries made my arms hurt even more! If/when I have a baby, it'll be a major workout to carry him/her around all of the time... moms must have buff arms!
Dear Invisible Reader - Hi! How YOU doin'...? :)
